whatever is lovely

There is never reason to be unkind. There may be reason to disagree with someone, but there is never reason to be unkind.

Love is always patient. Love is always kind. Love does not envy or boast and is not proud. It doesn’t dishonor others. It is not selfish. It is not easily angered. IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS.It seeks out the truth. 

I realized today that love is impossible. LOVE is impossible. The word is tossed around way too much — I love ice-cream, I love this song, I love you.

Liar.

I’ve been looking through old photo albums, watching old home videos, and just mind-blown at how families work. How can two imperfect people 1) decide they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together and 2) decide they want to bring a child into the world and raise him/her to become a good person (or just a lover of God) and responsible contributor to society? Such big decisions that require a love that is humanly impossible. 

I forgot how hard it is to live at home. I always forget! Sigh. I need God’s love. I need Jesus. I know I am severely lacking! I know I am not perfect. I know I am not beautiful. There are many things I am not; there are few things that I do well. But all the more glory to Jesus, right?

Jesus, show me what love looks like. Oh, You totally did. We have no excuse because He demonstrated perfect love to us. Love is sacrifice. Love is laying down your life for your friend, your brother, your sister, your enemy. Love is patient, love is kind.

Today, my godmother, a frail woman of over 70, was telling me how excited she was for me and how she wishes she could go back to 22 — “Oh, all the things I would do!” she said. Without skipping a beat, my godfather who was also standing with us told her, “I still would have chosen you.” So much tenderness, and I swear, that 70 year old woman blushed like a little girl. 

Thank you, heavenly Father, for blessing me with a daddy here on earth that I can always look up to, and a godfather who shows me repeatedly what it means to love. 

can’t stop

I am a college graduate now. Feels old. It’s funny how my perception of age is constantly shifting. There are pivotal moments in my life - the day I became a sixth grader, the day I became a high school student, the day I turned eighteen - when I mentally allowed myself to age and realize I am OLD. And then I adjust and adapt my behaviors to fit the new age level, usually very quickly, until the next milestone or whatever. But post-college was always poorly understood and rarely thought about. Honestly, as I sit at home, reading at the kitchen table and chatting with my dad, it feels just like coming home for summer vacation. But maybe that’s just the sad emotionless truth of it. Although we were commenced with an elaborate ceremony - that I unexpectedly thoroughly enjoyed - once I packed up my last few belongings from Hitchcock and drove out of Hanover, my life still continued exactly as I knew it would. Now I am living. Now I am at home. Time won’t stop for me. Time won’t stop for anyone. So we must live and live to the fullest. 

This blog was meant to be a space on the Internet where I write about my walk with God (pursuing lovely - Philippians 4:8), encourage my friends in the tumblr community, and connect with other people who seek to follow Jesus. I’ve journaled since…first grade? Maybe before. And I thought it would be easy for me to blog. I’m a big journaler. I have a huge box of diaries going back from the present through first grade, and I always thought it’d be interesting for people to read my thoughts (posthumously haha). But I’ve had so much trouble blogging over the past few months! Because I simultaneously want to write about things that ultimately glorify God - whether through joyful or sorrowful times - and also recognize that I know so little, am so flawed, and fail AGAIN and AGAIN in living a life worthy of the calling to which I, we, have been called. How much of my life actually glorifies God? How far have I come in life, and how much of it was because I relied solely on God? When people look at my life, do they see a young woman who is passionately seeking God and living out God’s will in her EVERY DAY? I know nothing can separate me from God’s love for me (Romans 8:38), but I can’t live for myself anymore. Christ’s love compels me to live for Him (2 Cor 5:14-15). Seriously, what in life will remain after we die other than our relationship with God and the testimony we have with our brothers and sisters here on earth?

No man can serve two masters. Melody, live your life in step with God, make your heart a delight for Him, walk out onto the deep water with Him so He can do something extraordinary with an ordinary you. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. And let today be a living sacrifice for Him. Everyday. 

I don’t believe God wants me (or any of His children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world’s perspective, a way I know I can “manage.” I believe He is calling me - and all of us - to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He’s given us.

- Francis Chan

Doing good, being forgiving, being NICE. That is something I have struggled with immensely over the past four years. Nice people are so easily taken advantage of, especially at a place like Dartmouth where no one ever has time to do everything they promise to do, and inevitably some people end up pulling more weight than others. Result: bitterness. At some point I decided that I was going to be meaner, to be harsher with people, to stand up for myself more, to be bitter with people who tried to manipulate me, to hold it against them. But the more I read the Bible, the more I realize there is no possible way you can really follow Christ and simultaneously justify any sort of unforgiveness — the standard we’re called to follow is just too high, considering Jesus died for a world that hated Him and forgives all our sins. Christ’s love compels us to live differently.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12:14-21

Years ago, when a random thought came into my head, I decided to share it with my wife. “Have you ever wondered what caterpillars think about?” I asked.

Not surprisingly, she said, “No.” 

I then proceeded to tell her about the confusion I imagined a caterpillar must experience. For all its caterpillar life, it crawls around a small patch of dirt and up and down a few plants. Then one day it takes a nap. A long nap. And then, what in the world must go through its head when it wakes up to discover it can fly? What happened to its dirty plump little worm body? What does it think when it sees its tiny new body and gorgeous wings?

As believers, we ought to experience this same kind of astonishment when the Holy Spirit enters our bodies. We should be stunned in disbelief over becoming a “new creation” with the Spirit living in us. As the caterpillar finds its new ability to fly, we should be thrilled over our Spirit-empowered ability to live different and faithfully. Isn’t this what the Scriptures speak of? Isn’t this what we’ve all been longing for?

It really is an astounding truth that the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you. He lives in me. I do not know what the Spirit will do or where He’ll lead me each time I invite Him to guide me. But I am tired of living in a way that looks exactly like people who do not have the Holy Spirit of God living in them. I want to consistently live with an awareness of His strength. I want to be different today from what I was yesterday as the fruit of the Spirit becomes more manifest in me. 

I want to live so that I am truly submitted to the Spirit’s leading on a daily basis. Christ said it is better for us that the Spirit came, and I want to live like I know that is true. I don’t want to keep crawling when I have the ability to fly.

In middle school, I crushed on almost every guy in my class. We’re talking small, cute, middle school crushes. Looking back, it was probably just a product of puberty, but during that period of time, I really appreciated that God created everyone beautiful. I saw in everyone - both guys and girls - life, laughter, love, passion, and youth. And such UNIQUE beauty. I honestly believed that I could probably fall in love with anybody given the right circumstances.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that wonder. I became so critical of my peers, and of myself, because I came to understand the concept of an ideal. For example, thinking that a boy might be good looking if he were a little taller or if his eyes were closer together. Or hearing from someone close to me that I could be pretty if I lost twenty pounds.

Perceptions of beauty vary by place and culture. During my time in Ghana, I was told time and time again that I was beautiful. It was such a bizarre experience having lived my entire life in a culture that constantly reminds us of our imperfections. For the first time in a long time, I was told that I was attractive, and I believe I walked a little straighter and smiled a little more confidently. Yes, I was a foreigner, and there were deeply problematic racial implications (that I won’t discuss here), but even outside of that, beauty is perceived differently. 

I think it’s so silly to conform to some ideal of beauty because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We want to look beautiful because we want other people to find us attractive and desirable but perceptions of beauty differ widely, youth comes and goes — beauty is vanity. As a young woman living in 21st century America, I struggle with self-image and self-worth all the time. I’m constantly, subconsciously, measuring myself against my peers on campus and the lingerie models in the Victoria Secret catalogues that get mailed to my Hinman…despairingly, haha.

Who are we to call someone ugly that God has called beautiful? Who are we to think certain people are better, more important, more relevant, or more worthy of our time?

I know by most human standards, I’m nothing special at all. But God knows me by name! He made me in His image and He calls me beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My prayer is that God would really open my eyes to see myself as He sees me and the people around me as He sees them, because everybody is precious and beautiful in His sight. 

<3 - Forever And A Day

if you see me today, could you give me a hug? i could really use a hug today. i will hug you back, and i give good hugs.